As much as I enjoy what I do, I can’t shake that fish out of water feeling. I’ve experienced so much change over the past year, that the things I’ve accomplished even recently feel like they’ve been done a million years ago by someone else. (The Love Your Business stuff? So a million years ago…)

Overall, I believe the changes have been good. However, there are also things that are being destroyed in the process, such as:

  • My attempt at having a “normal” brand style. (I’ve changed my brand aesthetics twice over the past year, and I’m happy with the creative hand-drawn look…)
  • My guise of professionalism maintained by downplaying my amateur passion projects, which is where my heart actually is. (I feel this image was officially killed by sharing my recent work involving my webcomic from 16 years ago and my more current Miraculous fanfic. I’m not professional at all. I create like a CHILD.)
  • The idea that the things I make have to be neat and pretty. I actually prefer for things to be authentically expressive even if it is a bit chaotic.
  • Caring a lot about making money (I still care, but way, way less.)
  • Writing ONLY about productivity and being a highly sensitive INFP (I’m starting to write about ALL the things because…I want to.)
  • The illusion that doing business online is easy, and that I have it all together. (Nope.)
  • The illusion that I am forever organized and the I have it all together all the time. (Honestly, I’m not sure why you would believe that, but just in case you had that impression, just…no. I am still living that ADHD life.)
  • Even the idea that I’m all to-do lists and outlines and plans and that my sometimes freaky intuitive abilities play no role in what I do. (I do sometimes wish I could hide that to look more “logical” but I’ve realized that my intuition is a force to be reckoned with and ignoring its role is not the best idea.)

So yes, there is a lot of fiery destruction going on around here, and I’m all for it. Let’s destroy all of the out-of-date and fake ideas about ourselves, shall we?

I feel like doing so and letting all of this stuff go is making my work feel more aligned with what I actually care about. I believe in the power of intuition and creativity. I love resourcefulness and facing challenges with resilience. I’m still suffering from chronic pain, and although it isn’t nearly as bad as before, I still have to face the reality of it. I may have to straight up write about it sometimes.

Honestly, I’ve been avoiding doing so out of fear that others won’t appreciate hearing about that aspect of my life, but overall I don’t feel like that matters so much. I’m not ashamed of my humanity. Fully honoring my experience is the strongest and most creative thing I can do. I know sharing this part of myself diverges some from the productivity and personality type topics that I’ve been sticking to for so long, but I’m just not…

I’m not only those things anymore. I’ve never been only those things.

In my email for last month (December of 2024) I shared some thoughts on going back to basics this year. Whenever my chronic pain is bad or my planning systems are crashing and burning, I take that as a cue to go back to basics. Get some rest, cancel stuff, use a paper calendar…

Whenever I feel like I’m drowning in change in general, it’s time for me to go back to the basics. Although to be honest, I don’t feel like I’m drowning right now. I feel more of the exhilaration that comes with letting go of stuff that has no purpose in my life. This process is creating the inner balance that I crave, and I’m kicking to the curb heavy expectations that do nothing for me and that drain the life out of my creative flow.

But despite that, I’m still navigating unfamiliar territory. I’m stepping away from what’s “normal” in the online business/creative space, and I realize that if I align myself fully with my values, then I’m going to have to face the intimidation of being different. There is sort of that, “What do I do now?” feeling.

When drowning in change, it’s time to get creative.

It truly is.

I will have to experiment and play a bit to regain my bearings. So the best action I can take is to peel off all the layers and throw out the things I don’t believe in anymore, and just go my way with lightness and trust in my creativity.

If you’re going through change right now, know that you’re definitely not alone, and you have my sympathy. But I hope that despite all of the upheaval, you can find your own sense of place and balance. It feels like I’m finally learning to find my own.