Recently I had the nagging feeling that something about myself had changed. Something—felt kind of different. Whenever I feel an inner shift, I go back and retake my INFP Archetypes test (Yes, I actually take my own test!).

So I retook the test, and here are my current results:

Explorer, Sage, Visionary, Wounded Healer

I’ve taken this test many times since I created it two-ish years ago, and this is the first time that all of my archetypes have landed in the Embracing Purpose category. For a long time, I’ve been mainly the Wandering Explorer (Looking for Growth) and the Hero (Stepping into Power), with the other archetypes changing here and there. I’ve gotten the Visionary before, but the Sage and Wounded Healer are totally new for me.

Personally, this is a huge deal, and it left me mystified. The truth is that after wandering for like, forever, I’ve finally stopped. I could feel the difference within myself.

And the Hero—the part of me that’s focused on overcoming obstacles, has finally retreated more into the background of my life, as if it’s no longer necessary to fight so hard. I couldn’t stop asking myself, “What happened? What’s changed? Why am I no longer wandering? Isn’t wandering who I am? Isn’t that what I do?”

I theorized that my renewed focus on sharing my creativity, imagination, and insights had made it unnecessary for me to keep wandering, but that felt like only part of the story. After retaking the test, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.

So after having lunch that afternoon, I took a nap. And the next thing I knew I was watching a music video. In my dreams.

I Used to Like Dangerous Guys

The video had the night time setting of a small downtown street which floated in mid-air. The street came to a sudden cliff-like end—if someone walked too far, they would fall right off the edge and drop into the night sky.

Standing safely in the middle of the street but not far from the edge was a guy looking out into the night. But then, at the rocky precipice end of the street, dangled another young man who gripped onto the rocks with a single hand and held on to the hand of the female singer with the other. She had a pixie cut and rockstar style, dressed in tight black clothing. All she had to hold on to was his hand as she hung over the edge of the broken street suspended in air. He was barely holding on himself, and his grip on her was slipping.

The singer’s voice was so strong and soaring—like, Never Enough from The Greatest Showman. Or Sia swinging from the chandelier. She sings of how she always looked for the dangerous guys. Then he loses his grip, and she falls.

But then unexpectedly, she rises, standing on a floating piece of street that was there to catch her. The hovering slab of street lifts her up to the other guy who isn’t dangling from the edge, but who is standing securely on the street, waiting for her.

She leaps from the hovering piece of street over to where he is and as he pulls her into a hug and a dance she sings…

I’m already dangerous, baby. So all I need is you.

All I need is you.

All I need is you.

As I’m watching the video, I’m like, “I just love this song.”

On the surface, it looks like my brain was in a really theatrical mood. But when given a closer look, this dream actually turns out to be the answer to my question. This is why I’m no longer wandering.

Why I’ve Stopped Wandering

A while ago I wrote a book entitled Love Your Sensitivity: 7 Essential Life Changes to Make After Learning You’re a Highly Sensitive Person. In it I shared the struggle of being a high-sensation seeking highly sensitive person. I describe the tension between my high-sensation seeking and sensitivity like the relationship between a couple.

To me, my high-sensation seeking side feels masculine. It’s active, authoritative, and looking for the next adrenaline hit. And my more sensitive, feminine style energy is usually dragged along for the ride without being given any consideration. In my book, I reflect on this dynamic and express a lot of regret over not giving more attention to my sensitivity and forcing that part of myself to do things that just weren’t considerate of my true needs.

So on one level, the guy who was gripping onto the rocks was my high-sensation seeking side, and he had gotten my highly sensitive side into trouble. And even more, my sensitive side was seeking him out because she thought that she needed him to feel alive. She was wandering, looking for aliveness outside of herself. This simple allegory is my life’s struggle! It’s completely dead on.

But if I simplify things more, taking the characters in this dream from being representations of my high-sensation seeking and sensitivity, to being the broader archetypes of masculine and feminine energies—this dream ends up being so intriguing, that Carl Jung would probably sit up in his grave to take notice.

It’s interesting how in Jungian psychology, the harmonious uniting of the anima (basically, feminine energy) and animus (basically, masculine energy) is what creates psychological wholeness or integration. And that’s also what this dream is about.

The Psychological Drama

The guy dangling from the rocks is how my inner masculine energy operated in the past. This part of me used to be grasping, reacting, and controlling—all from a space of uncertainty and doubt. He lacked the ability to adequately support my feminine energy and take care of that part of myself. Using my inner masculine energy irresponsibly has led me to experiencing extreme burn out from trying to always keep up and control everything, and doing so has also played a role in my chronic pain as well. Always being in action and lacking the ability to relax is a recipe for disaster. Toxic masculinity isn’t just an external thing. It’s also within.

In the dream, my past expression of feminine energy is clinging to him. My feminine energy is free-spirited, expressive, emotional, and is drawn to excitement and danger. However, she was looking for intensity and external validation in all of the wrong places. But when she finally loses her attachment to him and falls, she lets go of all the old ego structures that don’t support her—and that can’t support her. She surrenders to the process and to life, and like the pavement suddenly appearing under her feet, life catches her, and she rises.

The fall and rise of my feminine energy symbolizes transformation. She doesn’t rise as the same person she was when she fell. She’s still free-spirited and expressive, but she’s no longer looking for danger. She has her eyes set on the new expression of my inner masculine energy instead.

He’s standing safely on the street, calm, poised, and not controlling. Instead, he’s confidently waiting—for her. He doesn’t need to chase, demand or grasp for things. He is so strong within himself that clinging and striving aren’t even necessary. He doesn’t need to throw his weight around to prove himself or…anything—he attracts. He’s relaxed, composed in chaos, and completely open to her energy.

When she sees him, she realizes that she doesn’t need to chase or strive anymore either. And also like him, she doesn’t need to cling to anything. Life has got her back, and its natural flow supports her. With joy, she’s moved to take the leap towards him and belts out…

I’m already dangerous, baby.

Meaning, she doesn’t need to chase external stimulation and validation anymore to feel alive. She has learned that all of that—the dynamic power and danger and excitement of life—is already within herself. She is aliveness. All she needs is the warm, supportive stability and calm of my healthy masculine energy for balance.

All I need is you.

These energies are reunited in the harmonious dance of integration. Frantic striving is gone, and presence, creativity, and inner trust in the process are embraced instead.

A Universe of Opportunities

So besides being a vibrant exploration of my subconscious, what is the point of all of this? What opportunities do I unlock in my life by knowing myself and where I am so well?

Practically, this new dynamic shows up in my life in many ways. First, I just don’t feel the same urgency to try and do all the things.

I still love exploring and learning, but the energy behind it all just doesn’t feel the same. Before it was like I was trying to find something beyond my grasp. Exploring felt like work, and honestly I felt rushed and overwhelmed sometimes—like I always had to keep moving, but I didn’t know why. It was like I had something to prove. I used to have a lot of restless energy, but now that’s just…gone.

As the Wandering Explorer, I was desperately looking for excitement and validation outside of myself, and it was tiring. As pointed out in my archetypes test, I was looking for the excitement of growth. I just didn’t know where to find it. But now I explore to follow my curiosity and do what I love, all of the excitement is already within…me.

I already feel alive. My exhilaration, aliveness and joy is intrinsic and self-sustaining. I don’t need to seek it outside of myself. The spark of joy lives in me.

I’ve also noticed that I’ve become more attracted to things that make me feel calm. My book Wildly Flexible Routines for Neurodivergent Rebels really reflects this. In it I share how I use tools that create calm to manage my high-sensation seeking tendencies and by extension my ADHD traits. Thanks to having a dynamic framework for creating calm, my highly sensitive “feminine” energy feels grounded and supported, and it has really blossomed.

To be honest, back when I was writing “Love Your Sensitivity,” I remember seeing this highly sensitive side of myself as being a bit nebulous. What I knew of this part of myself was like a checklist that I was just starting to become more familiar with. I was like, “Okay, as a highly sensitive person I have strong emotions, strong intuition and physically, I feel everything. I’m very creative, empathic…Check, check, check…”

But what I was missing was really feeling that this part of myself was truly useful. I was completely blind to its power. Instead, my sensitivity and by extension my “feminine” energy felt like a liability that I was dragging around. And I feel like in general, this is how high sensitivity is treated. Hide from this, protect yourself from that, etc… I express my annoyance with this in Love Your Sensitivity, and I wrote about how I felt that instead of bending over backwards to protect my sensitivity all the time, what was more important was for this side of me to have a supportive framework so that it could face the world with blazing confidence.

My feminine energy doesn’t need 24/7 protection. She is incredibly resilient. In my dream, while being suspended in mid-air and holding on to the “dangerous” guy, she kept singing. Despite being in unstable conditions, she still continued to create and trust her inner voice.

I’ve continued to create and trust my inner voice—expressing myself despite enduring uncertain, unstable circumstances for a long time.

What my feminine energy actually needs is sturdy, reliable support, love, and freedom. It’s more important for me to find stability in the face of the chaos and discomfort of my sensitivity instead of trying to hide from it. And this approach has paid off in ways that I could have never imagined.

The Power of Balanced Inner Energy

Looking back now, I see how much I was underestimating this more sensitive side of myself. I’ve always been creative and intuitive, but as my masculine energy has matured into a stabilizing force, these parts of myself burn even brighter. I’ve always had trippy nocturnal dreams, even as a child—but the dreams I have now are just unbelievable sometimes. Never before have I had so many dreams that illustrate my true values, wishes, and life direction before I’m fully aware of it.

Also my creativity is shifting more towards spontaneous expression—the way I approach life in general is more spontaneous. I simply don’t need to plan what I need to do next as much. Intuitively, I’m strong enough to feel what needs to happen next, and usually my natural timing is right. As a result, I’ve become more skilled at handling unexpected obstacles, discomfort and hardship, because I can see more clearly how to transform those moments into something useful. I am more creative on the fly, and I’m learning to trust it.

Also, I don’t feel as attached to making sure that what I share makes sense or explaining myself. It just is what it is. I’m feeling pulled towards self-expression without overthinking, and I wish to express the pure joy of discovery without feeling like I need to prove anything.

And at the center of all of this is a growing, maturing calmness. I don’t need to rush or feel stressed to create anymore, which is just such a huge relief. I don’t need to create from a place of restlessness or trying to prove myself. Whatever I make, just goes out into the world whenever I sense the time is right for it. It’s like…I feel less pressure to try to be anything. Whatever I have is just here. I just am. I’m already dangerous, baby. And when I don’t try, that’s when I truly become fully myself.

When I surrender, life comes to me.

So if you’ve gotten this far, thank you so much for reading my mental wanderings. This is definitely the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever shared. To be honest, my explorations here are only a couple of ways to look at this dream. For me personally, it’s also a mirror reflecting my past, present, and future selves. It also carries deep messages around relationships, how intuition works with creativity, and the process of letting go. Looking at things in yet another way, it also carries lessons around waiting, observation, and trusting one’s natural pace.

I’m still discovering more layers of it.