How I Learned that the Standard Definition of Success Is Not for Me

My family and I were staying in this huge house owned by a six figure making business coach who I admired. And her house was a mess.

Not really. This is just yet another dream my subconscious had cooked up for me. And for clarification, I’ve never been to her house before—my brain is just doing its own thing.

So this business coach, who will stay anonymous, has written quite a few books on how to make more money, and I had some respect for her work. I still do. But something was seriously wrong.

My family and I were staying with her in her huge house. She took us on a tour of it, and what stood out to me the most was just how much stuff she had crammed into it. Items and old stuff were everywhere. It was so maximalist, it was overwhelming. Just old computers, books and random things—a ton of clutter. I couldn’t help thinking that if she had so much money, why hadn’t she hired someone to manage cleaning and all of this stuff?

Some of my family members relaxed in her kitchen as she started to cook. I decided to help her out, sitting on the floor to pull out a drawer of disorganized cooking utensils. As I went through the drawer to find the utensils she may need, I noticed that quite a few of them had food still encrusted on them.

I began to think that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to eat here.

Then I remembered that just like me, she’s not neurotypical. So when my family started leaving the kitchen, I approached her and told her that I have similar issues like her, and if she could give me any tips, I would appreciate it. So we walked into her cluttered living room, and she stooped to grab a book from a row of books that were stored on a shelf near the floor.

“Read this. It’s a great book, and I got it for free,” she said, handing it to me.

Not only did it look like it was from the eighties, but what I really wanted was her personal experience, not some random book.

Totally disappointed, I walked outside and was stunned to see a wildfire burning down the large house next door to hers. In my dream, the house belonged to another family member of mine. I ran back inside of the house, told everyone about the fire, and shortly after that, we got a notice from officials to evacuate.

My family and I packed quickly. I packed up my things in the cluttered little room where my parents and I were supposed to stay. I apologized to my dad for packing my leather jackets into his suitcase, and I kept mentally checking over and over to make sure that I had all my things. Then we headed downstairs to evacuate.

When I woke up from this dream, I immediately did two things.

First, I unsubscribed from that business coach’s email list. I sent a few thank you’s from my heart into the ether of the universe. I respect her outlook and what she does. She’s definitely one of the less crazy and more balanced six figure business people out there. But then I unsubscribed.

Next, I unsubscribed from every email I had received with the words “six figures” in the subject line. I’ve been unsubscribing from people who send me such emails ever since.

I’ve also made it more of a point to unsubscribe from emails that fit into the “more is more” mindset—that includes ideas that support hustle culture and a drive towards pointless materialism.

To be clear, this has nothing to do with the amount of money. Like if someone offered me six-figures to do what I love on a schedule that suits me, I would most likely say yes to it. This is more about the underlying mindset than the money itself.

I’ve already been rejecting the ideas of hustle culture for a while, but this dream was a wake up call to completely detach from something that I don’t believe in. My subconscious was telling me to get out of there and evacuate this framework in all of its forms!

However, my rejection of this specific brand of success is just scratching the surface of this dream. Looking at this even more deeply, it’s about rejecting an engrained system of material striving that isn’t suitable for me. I want to focus on how to use what I already have more effectively instead of striving for needless excess. So I need to remove myself from resources that promote the opposite of that.

This focus on more stuff and a huge home to hold all my stuff, is apparently not appealing to me on the deepest level. In my dream, I felt overwhelmed and even a bit disgusted at one point. This is a set of beliefs that I’m not even sure I should “be eating” or taking in and integrating into myself. On top of that, something about it feels so outdated—as out-dated as that book from the 1980’s that was supposed to help me. These methods…this mindset does not help me and is not appropriate for navigating a world in flux.

This dream also carries themes of meaningless accumulation. Old broken computers. Useless books and clutter thrown everywhere. Too much stuff. Too much information. All of it—worthless. I struggled to figure out why funds weren’t being spent on something more meaningful, like helping to keep the house clean and healthy.

I’m just realizing this as I write this post, but I think my concerns about how she was using her money points to the best ways for me to use my own personal finances. I need to use money in ways to keep my mind, body, and surroundings clean and healthy. For me, that’s the best way to put my resources to use. Because like my dream warned, if I put all of my resources into collecting stuff, it could be taken out in a flash, and I would have to leave it all behind.

One interesting item that has been appearing quite often in my dreams is that of a leather jacket. Leather jackets for me represent independence and rebellion. So as I was escaping the upcoming destruction of this outdated and cluttered ideal of success (at least, it’s outdated for me), I made sure to pack my rebellious and innovative spirit with me.

Looking at the big picture, I think this dream was definitely a reminder of how important it is to build my own definition of success and believe in it—instead of relying on others to create a vision of success for me. Because if I follow in the footsteps of someone else, I could end up in a home that’s not of my own making.

True success comes when I align with my authentic self and values, even if it means burning down the status quo and escaping to somewhere new.

If you’re in a space where you feel the need to step away from the productivity treadmill, you may also enjoy my post on creating one week of gentle productivity.