Summary: Lila burns bridges and struggles to create new ones.

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I slid into my jeans and pulled my blouse over my head. This is the last time I will be wearing them to school.

After combing my hair, I reached into my dresser drawer and pulled out a pair of black and white striped, knee high socks. I only wear them when I want to have a good day.

Today is the last day of hanging out with my friends. The last day I have of listening to my history teacher and fighting with the bus driver. Today is my last day of school, as I know it.

I picked up my worn out, bright yellow backpack and headed out the door. I really need to get a new one. Backpacks can’t stay together with safety pins and duct tape alone.

I walked down the street to my bus stop. By the time I got there the bus was already coming down the road. I waited until it came up and opened its doors like an alien spaceship that was inviting me to come in.

“Hey, Mr. Fletcher,” I said happily as I hopped on the bus.

“Hello, Lila,” he grumbled.

He is a big man, vertically and horizontally. Sometimes his size is intimidating, but I know somewhere in that big man is a big heart. I just haven’t quite found it yet.

“You better not cause any trouble on this bus today,” he growled along with a scowl on his face. “If you do, you’re going to have to walk.”

“Don’t worry,” I yelled back as I walked to the back. “This is my last day riding on this bus anyways.”

I threw my backpack in the seat and sat next to Mimi, a freshman that I had become good friends with after riding on the bus with her for a few months.

“You’re not riding on this bus anymore? What do you mean?” she asked.

“Just what I said. I’m not riding on this bus anymore. I’m changing schools.”

“Are you moving?”

“No. I’m going to start going to that all girls private school that’s on Main Street.”

“Really? Wow, that’s awesome!”

Then she yelled, “Everyone, quiet!” At first no one seemed to be paying her any attention, but then she shrieked, “SHUT UP!”

All twenty heads and forty eyes on the bus turned to the back. All I could hear was the constant murmur of the engine and the sound of tires hitting bumps on the road.

Standing up and breaking bus rules, she announced, “Listen. Today is the last day Lila Collins is going to be on the bus with us. For the rest of the year she is going to be going to Omni High, and we might not ever see her again.”

For some reason to me it sounded more like a funeral speech than a farewell one. As she spoke, I sat there and looked up at her. The way she made everything sound, people would think that I was going to die or something. The thought made me feel a slight flutter in my stomach. I was surprised that everyone was actually listening to her.

“Without her, our bus ride home will not be the same,” Mimi continued. “So I say let’s give her one last round of ‘The Wheels on the Bus!’”

“Oh, no,” Mr. Fletcher moaned.

I could hear his groans all the way back to where I was sitting. I looked around as everyone started singing. I smiled and joined them. Besides, I am the one who started this stuff anyways. The aching in my heart and the chill bumps on my skin went away. Everything was going to be okay. This is my last day of public school. Might as well go out with a bang.

The bus pulled up into the schoolyard. Once it came to a stop the singing ended. Everyone picked up their backpacks and books, got off the bus, and started going to class. I was the last person to get off.

“Hey, Lila!”

I turned around and looked back at Mr. Fletcher.

“Don’t you come back on my bus,” he said, seriously crunching his thick black eyebrows together. Well, actually it’s more of a unibrow than two separate eyebrows, but whatever.

I just was like, “Don’t worry. I won’t.”

He gave a satisfied smile, and I saw him nodding his head joyfully as he closed the bus doors.

As I walked into class, I saw Jamie sitting in the far corner of the classroom. She looked up, and I waved to her. She didn’t wave back. I put my books on my desk next to Terrell.

“Is she still mad at me?” I asked him in a whisper.

“Looks like it,” he replied. “You better not get too close to that girl. She has on her look of doom today. One glance at her eyes, and you’ll be killed by her anger.” He cut his eyes suspiciously in her direction. I laughed.

“Terrell, how many times do I have to tell you that you should be in the drama club? You would fit in perfectly.”

“Me? No way. You know I won’t ever blend in with those people. They wouldn’t let me in if I asked. Besides, I don’t have no time for that. I’m on the football team this year, and Coach wouldn’t like me missing practices just for drama club.”

“Oh yeah. I forgot.”

Terrell doesn’t have much time for anything since he made the team, but I still think he would be great in the drama club. He is creative and dramatic; he has everything that a person in the drama club would need. The only thing that makes it so difficult to get in is the people. The drama club is associated with a certain type of people. Everyone in it is either very smart or popular—They are an elite group. When I first came to Bridgman, I didn’t know that.

I thought all I needed to get in the drama club was a talent for acting. They did have auditions, so I tried out. I stood on the auditorium stage looking at the leading members of the club in the audience. I nervously clutched the script in my hands. Making it would mean a great deal to me. I had always felt that I would be a great actor someday and that this could help me with my acting skills. Even if I didn’t get famous, it would be cool to say that I was part of the drama club.

My nerves felt raw on that day after school, but I gave it my best shot. I chose a piece from A Midsummer’s Night Dream by Shakespeare. A little old fashioned, but why not? When I started reading I was shaky at first, but as I went on I began to warm up to the script. Soon I was putting all of myself into every sentence and word I said. When I was done, there was dead silence.

From the stage I could see the stunned faces of the club members in the audience. I was sure I had made it when I came off stage to see what they thought.

“It was good,” said a girl with dark hair and square black glasses, flatly.

“But you are not exactly what we are looking for. We are looking for someone with a little more—what do you call it? Charisma. You don’t have enough of that.”

All the members began to nod in agreement, and they were like, “Sorry.”

I could not believe my ears. Charisma? I preferred they would just own it and say that I was not popular enough for them—and that for them popularity meant more than natural talent. I understand it would be nice to have some more “magnetism,” but come on!

It was just a lame excuse to not let me in. I know I did good; I just wasn’t their kind. I wasn’t smart enough and cool enough for them. Now I feel sick every time I hear about drama club tryouts. The way they exclude people is terrible. So even though Terrell has what it takes, I could understand why he felt like he wouldn’t make it. They just don’t take anyone.

I sat there and gazed at the other side of the classroom. I guess Jamie really is mad at me. I rolled my eyes and sighed to myself.

“Time to start class,” said Mrs. Andrews, walking up to the front of the classroom and rapping on the chalkboard with a metal pointer.

I pulled out a piece of paper from my notebook. I took my pencil and began to doodle on it. I drew a crying girl. That was what I felt like doing. Crying. I hate it whenever we fight. I shaded her unhappy lips. My hand scribbled in the furrowed eyebrows.

Terrell peeked over my shoulder.

“Before you leave you better give me one of those papers you draw on during class,” he whispered in my ear. “Then if you become a famous artist, I will have one of your first drawings.”

I ripped a paper that I had been sketching on before out of my notebook and passed it back to him.

“Thanks,” he said in my ear. “These drawings are tight! I’ll frame this.”

“The Native Americans were made to leave their homes and live in the area that the government had set aside from them. This migration is often called the ‘Trail of Tears,’” said my history teacher pointing to the route on the map.

I drew a tear that rolled down the cheek of the girl that I was drawing. We’ve picked a perfect time to get into a fight. On the last day of life as I know it, we are not even going to talk to each other. No. I’m not going to let it happen. It wouldn’t be right for our friendship to end like this. At that moment I promised that I would speak to her at lunch. I crumpled up my paper.

“Hey Jamie, what are you eating?”

“Get away from me!”

I set my lunch tray next to her on the table.

“Jamie, I’m sorry. I just got mad when you asked me so many questions. We all say something wrong sometimes. Just get over it.”

“Lila, just stop it. Don’t even try. You know what? I honestly don’t care what happens to you at your stupid little private school. Don’t. Care. Just stay away from me, and go talk to some of your other stupid friends. That shouldn’t be so hard since I have such an ‘ugly’ attitude.”

I picked my tray back up. “I didn’t say you had an ugly attitude. You started that. But maybe you’re right about yourself. Maybe you are just a jealous jerk, and I would be more than happy to sit with my other friends that are actually glad for me.”

I turned around angrily and went towards another table.

“Fine!” she yelled after me. “I don’t need your ‘I’m too smart’ self to be my friend! I can do just fine without you!”

I sat down with another group of girls that I knew, smiling and acting like everything was fine. But nothing was fine. This was not turning out to be a good day.

The bell rang, ending my last week in school with the kids that I have known for almost my whole life: Jackie the cheerleader, Charlie the nose-picker, Jim the guy that wears long socks—just to name a few. Of course I can’t forget to mention my main man Terrell and my best friend Jamie. I guess I really can’t call her my best friend anymore.

Why can’t she just understand? I didn’t mean those things I said about her. I was mad, and when I’m mad I don’t think much before I speak. I wished there was something that I could do to take it all back.

As I opened my locker the day suddenly had a melancholy feel to it. This was the last time I would be seeing these hallways. Who knew if I would ever see any of my friends again?

I emptied my locker, peeling the smiley face and Batman stickers off of its metallic surface. My favorite one was the Batmobile. Having a car with a jet engine would so rock but—I piled the few books that I had left into my backpack. I found a bag of potato chips that I had bought at the beginning of the year. I opened it and tried a chip.

A little stale, but it’ll do. I closed the locker and put the lock on it backwards. I had officially moved out. Then still eating my potato chips, I walked out the main double doors, sure that I was never coming through them again.

As I walked down the street I noticed what a surreal day it was. The sky was a perfect blue without a single cloud along with a nice calm breeze. The people I passed seemed busy with no questions about what they were going to do. It was one of those days when life doesn’t seem real, like I was sucked up into some movie. My feelings were like a burrito: excited, scared, angry, and confused all wrapped up with nervousness. I got more nervous when I arrived at the school.

It is a little cluster of brick buildings with a huge four-story building facing the street. Etched into the concrete front above the entrance is “Omni High School” in huge block letters. It’s like an ancient Greek academy was dropped into the center of an American city. It is impossible to miss.

I anxiously climbed the entrance stairs up to the double doors. Coming to them, I hesitated. I closed my eyes for a second, saying a prayer, and then I opened them.

Inside was a long hallway with a squeaky clean white floor. I’m sure that if I looked down I could see my reflection in it. The halls were completely empty. Everyone was in class.

As I walked down the hallway I was able to look into some of the classrooms. A strict looking teacher was showing a room full of girls in blue uniforms something on the board. Some of them were typing on laptop computers.

For a moment, I forgot what I had come for. Then I remembered. I had to talk to Dr. Sterling. I began to look for his office. There were so many doors; I didn’t know where he was.

I spotted a girl in blue coming out of the bathroom a little ways down the hall. She was about to walk in the opposite direction, away from me.

“Excuse me!” I yelled. I ran to catch up with her. But when I got there she gave me an icy look that I didn’t appreciate too much. I tried to act like I didn’t see it.

“Where is Dr. Sterling’s office?” I asked.

She didn’t say anything. Instead she pointed to the door across the hallway.

“Oh, it’s right there,” I said, slightly embarrassed.“Thanks.”

She rolled her eyes and walked to her classroom. I don’t know if I’ll like it here too much, I thought as I replayed her reaction in my head. I opened the door.

When I walked in I was expecting to see a secretary or something, but instead I found myself directly in his office. The breath was knocked out of me when I saw him there.

“Well, Miss Collins, it’s nice to see that you made it,” he said, his hands resting on his desk like he was expecting me.

“H-hi,” was all I was able to get out.

“Just don’t stand there by the door, come sit down,” he invited.

That made me feel a little more comfortable, and I sat down in the chair in front of him.

“Now tell me, what classes do you plan to take this year?”

“Well,” I said slowly, “I want to take algebra, English, biology, history, and stuff like that, but I’ve also chosen my elective classes. They were really hard for me to choose.” I paused for a minute.

“Go ahead, Miss Collins,” said Dr. Sterling, looking a little anxious to know.

“I want to take art and drama.”

“Art and drama,” he repeated, twisting his mustache between thumb and forefinger. “Good choices. I assure you that you won’t be disappointed.”

I smiled shyly. Then a large woman came running through the door. She wore huge thick glasses and a skirt made of more material than necessary. Her face was red, and I could almost see the steam coming from her ears.

“Dr. Sterling!” she screeched. “Miss Harrison has forgotten her homework again! I say she should be punished severely for this!”

“Ms. Rinehart,” said Dr. Sterling calmly. “You know Miss Harrison has been very sick lately and has gone to five doctor appointments in the last two weeks. Give her some space.”

“Humph!” she said angrily as she turned around and stomped out the office. She wouldn’t dare argue because she knew she was in the wrong.

Dr. Sterling let out a frustrated sigh as he began to flip through the papers on his desk. Then he pulled a paper out of the stack and handed it to me.

“This is a little test that we require all of our students to take when they first enroll. Don’t worry. It won’t affect the classes you take or your grades in any way. It just gives us deeper insight into what your thinking patterns are. Give your best answers. You can stay here and take it. Here’s a pencil.”

I took the freshly sharpened pencil and began to start the test. He turned to his computer and began to type.

The test was very simple. It only had ten questions and all the questions were “What would you do if…?” type questions. Like one question was, “What would you do if you ran your car in a lake and couldn’t swim?”

It was stupid stuff like that. I don’t know how such a test could evaluate the thinking patterns of students, but I gave my best answers.

After about twenty minutes, I handed him back the test.

“Finished already?” he said with a smile. “How was it?”

“It was—interesting.” That was the best word I could come up with to describe it.

I heard a bell ring outside.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“School’s out!” he said, standing up quickly.

It’s four o’clock already? It felt like I had just got there.

“Here!” he said, handing me something wrapped in brown paper.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a surprise. Open it when you get home,” he said briskly but with a smile.

“Hurry up now,” he said, ushering me out the door. “Those buses leave fast. I don’t want you to be stuck here.”

That’s why he was in such a hurry. “But how do I know which bus to get on?” I asked before I entered the crowded hallway.

“Get on any bus you want,” he replied. “Just tell them where you want to go.”

Then after saying, “Bye,” I was swept out into an ocean of blue and white.

I felt embarrassed as I walked down the crowded hallway, very aware of how I didn’t fit in. I tried my best not to think about it too much and focus more on which bus to get on.

I fought my way through the crowd at the bus loop, carrying the weird shaped package Dr. Sterling gave me in my arms. I looked around and picked a bus. I hopped in line and began to single file onto it like everyone else. The bus driver greeted everyone as they came on, but when he saw me, he gave me a strange stare. I looked the other way.

Everyone in that school rides the bus, but the buses they ride on are not just the normal cheese wagon. They ride on commercial style buses with air conditioning and bathrooms in the back. The seats can recline and there are tables on them that students can pull down.

When I got on the bus I was so shocked by the luxury that I stood there totally amazed for a few seconds, until a girl behind me snapped me out of it by yelling for me to move. I moved to the side to let her through and went up to the bus driver.

“I need to go to Lakeside Street.” I said to him. He nodded.

I walked on to the back of the bus. For every seat that I thought I had a chance to sit in, someone would throw their books there. Even if I looked at a seat like I wanted to sit there, the girl next to it would say, “Don’t even think about it!”

Girls pushed past me in the aisles, complaining for me to get out of the way. I was a total klutz with my heavy bag on my back and the bulky brown package in my arms. I moved to the side and stepped on a girl’s foot.

“Watch where you’re going, you idiot!” she screeched.

For the first time I was experiencing the ultimate humiliation: being shut out on the bus. Soon everyone had gotten their seat but me. I was so lost.

“Miss, hurry up and sit down!” yelled the bus driver. “I have a schedule to keep!”

“But I don’t have a place to sit!” I complained.

“Sit up here!” he pointed to the seat in the very front, directly across from him.

At that moment, the whole bus seemed to laugh at me. No one literally laughed out loud—it just felt that way. I hung my head and sat up front. So embarrassing. It wasn’t that long ago when I would laugh at the loser who got stuck sitting up front with the bus driver, but I never saw myself being in the same situation. It was a long and lonely ride home.

When I finally arrived home, it was about four-thirty. The hour of soaps was over a long time ago. My mom cooked dinner in the kitchen.

“How’d it go?” she asked.

“Okay,” I said hurriedly. I ran to my room and shut the door.

Everything was quiet.

Everything looked gray and colorless to me. The day had lost its goodness.

As I lay on my bed, my room seemed to spin. Tears worked their way to my eyes. I had never felt so alone. I thought of calling Jamie, but she wouldn’t talk to me. Why did she have to be so stubborn sometimes? And those girls. Those stupid, prissy, stuck up girls on the bus.

“I’ll show them. I’ll make sure they’ll feel sorry for not giving me a seat,” I whispered in the silence of my room.

I rubbed the tears from my face with the back of my hands. My vision began to clear up, and I saw the package that Dr. Sterling had given me.

Feeling as if inside was the solution to everything, I jumped to the floor and began to rip it open savagely. I felt my hands pull and tear at the thin cardboard and throw it across the room. When I got to what was inside, I stopped.

A like—strange—calm came over me, as I pulled out the blue and white uniform. I touched the blue jacket with my fingers. It was soft and silky. Inside were two sets of uniforms for everyday and one for gym. I also got a blue hat; two pairs of white knee high socks and a pair of shoes. Excitedly, I began to pull off my clothes and put them on.

I buttoned up the blue jacket and dropped the hat on my head. I twirled around in my white and blue skirt in front of the mirror. The uniform really took my mind off of how bad I felt. I felt good, almost happy. I thought about running to the kitchen and showing my mom, but I decided to wait until Monday. It was incredible how perfectly it fit me.

Only one thing was missing.

I ran to my drawer to find a pair of blue and white striped socks. I pulled off my black and white pair and put on those. I stood in front of the mirror and examined how they looked with my uniform. Perfect.

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