Lately my story and I have been estranged. When I sat down sometimes to write it, or even when I wasn't writing--I could be simply thinking about it--I think to myself, what is so great about this story? Why am I even doing this? And the enthusiasm I felt before fades, like the flavor in an over-chewed piece of gum. I know that things didn't start out this way. I was obsessed with my story when I first started. What changed?
I've been giving this some serious thought, I realized that it isn't love for my story that I've lost. What I've lost are the reasons and feelings why I found it exciting in the first place. What I love about my current story series, The Altered Realities of a Dream-maker, is that it's about the experience of going from feeling hopeless and out of control in life to the realization that although a lot of things are out of control, it's still possible to control our thoughts about them. I admire how the main character Mandy grows from hiding in her room and from herself to engaging with the world and her problems, although she is terrified as if her new found confidence is nothing more than a scam that will leave her penniless in the end.
When I think of how great it is to go from avoiding life to turning to it head on, walking into the wind of it, I feel energized, and I want to reengage with my story. I want to walk into it facing the winds of all the uncertainty that comes with creating a story. So that's where I am right now.
I've finished the rough draft of the second story, and I'm starting into the third, but for a moment I found myself stuck and wondering if it was still worth it. Now that remember why I started this in the first place, I know that it is. Being aware of that gave me the confidence to go ahead and publish the first story, Jellyfish Dreams, anyways. Yes, it is around 16,000 words, but I'm sharing the experience of the story, not the length of it.
I'm still posting it on Wattpad (I've taken a little hiatus, but more chapters will be up soon), but the edited version will be officially published for Kindle and other retailers August 31st. It's currently available for pre-order at Smashwords and Kindle. It will be available for pre-order at Barnes & Noble and other retailers very soon.
As long as I've been putting this off, the decision to go ahead with things came so naturally. Now I cannot wait to start the editing process for the second story, tentative title "Summer Nightmares."